Late February. That time of the year when the streets are covered in ice and every step might get you falling. In the warm atmosphere of a venue in the suburban parts of Stockholm Tkacuk is about to enter the stage. Tkacuk is different from the others around him, he’s not a part of their joyful evening. He’s scared and terrified, not about the live performance but because of the chemical things that happens inside his body. He falls into tears in the arms of close ones. He has recently started the journey to handle all the problems he didn’t realised he had.
“My general anxiety disorder is getting darker, me without knowing, me without a clue why I somehow had constant panic attacks and anxiety. I wrote this a song and I recorded the vocals, the first step to something new at that point. I kept it for a year on my hard drive and didn’t listen to it ”
Tkacuks first album Dark/Light was released 2014, much has happened since then. A new album “Puer Aeternus” has been made during the time between. The songs remind you as a listener to what desperation, sorrow and the fear of letting go is. How much you always are expected to have achieved at a certain age in life. Tkacuk hasn’t made the steps the world demands of him.
“And I am so poor, how poor? so poor, and I need to sell these albums because they almost made me completely broke. Music on this level is supposed to make an earning not destroy you.”
“Puer Aeternus” was printed on vinyl with the money a young one should have to survive, the constant struggle to make it as a musician made him weak. The weakness made him strong, and the bonus track “ Sudden Death of a Wolf” is the final shout out to all the shit this album had caused him. It’s the art of letting go.
Behind every song there is a story, a story that has given the songs their own way of speaking to the listener. The part when Tkacuk and his friends travelled to Berlin to make a living out of nothing and basically lived on “ Berlini Drinks”, the part when Tkacuk show ed “ Be careful with what you love” to his mother and she said, “Finally you’ve written a song someone will like”, the part when Tkacuk one year later opened the hard drive and listened to “Darkplace”, the anthem to every lost soul.
Behind each one of these songs there is blood, sweat and tears. No record label with the muscles to help. Behind each one of these songs there is a human being with the fear of being caught in a situation where there is no escape. This is Puer Aeternus.